This list could probably be about 100 or so, but for the sake of keeping this relatively brief, I figured the top 5 (worst 5) would suffice. I think we all have plenty of these guys (and gals) that we can’t stand and are forced to watch and listen to them all the time. So let’s get right into the thick of things. First off, here are a few people who just missed the cut, but get some Honorable Mention for being exceptionally sucky and pissing me off…
Michael Kay (YES Network, ESPN Radio), Steven A. Smith (ESPN), Trent Dilfer (ESPN), Tony Dungy (NBC), Skip Bayless (ESPN).
Now on to the Fab 5:
5. Pierre McGuire (Versus/NBC)
Pierre finds himself on this list, primarily because of his looks. The guy looks like a penis with a deformed bald head and weird eyes. I don’t know, every time they show him down in between the benches I just get mad. I’m sure the coaches that he interviews during commercial breaks absolutely love him too. Plus he just has an aura about him where you get the feeling he thinks he is the smartest man in hockey. Who the hell is he anyway? I think he was like an assistant coach of the Penguins at one time. He definitely flaunts his Stanley Cup ring around like a champ. I’m sure he had a lot to do with the team winning that. On top of it all, with a name like Pierre and a cheesy accent like that, you’d think he was a Canadian but in reality he is just from New Jersey.
4. Adam Schefter (ESPN)
This guy is such a blowhard I can’t even stand it. First off, it drives me nuts that everyone has to call him “Schefty”. It’s just gay. I literally think Mike Greenberg has an orgasm every time Schefter calls in to Mike & Mike and he gets to call him “Schefty” a thousand times. Secondly, why does he think he is the end-all be-all when it comes to breaking NFL news? There are like 500 guys in the country who do the same thing as him just as well. He just seems so smug and cocky too. And what about Mortemer Spice? If I were Chris Mortensen I would kick Schefty’s ass for trying to swoop in and steal his spotlight.
3. Chris Broussard (ESPN)
I’m not the biggest NBA fan around, but since ESPN just shoves NBA news down your throat 24/7, I’m forced to listen sometimes. I never even heard of this guy until last summer when the whole Lebron sweepstakes started. And that may be the primary reason I dislike him. I had to listen to Broussard on the radio and tv, every day, 50 times a day saying how the Lebron thing was a “fluid” situation. Dude used the term “fluid” pretty much every day. I never heard that used in sports, and once Broussard started using it, everyone else did. I don’t know why but that bothered me. How about the way he talks to? Lebrohhhn James and DeeWayyyne Wayyyde. That high-pitched stupid voice goes right through me. Now Broussard is like ESPN’s main NBA reporter. Who is he? Did he ever play basketball? Is he black? If I hear him say “fluid” any time soon I may kill myself.
2. Bob Costas (NBC)
In all seriousness, what does Costas know about sports? He’s a 5 foot 2 geek who was probably in the Chess Club in high school. It sucks that I’m forced to watch this guy every Sunday night for Football Night in America and on Saturday’s when NBC starts airing hockey. What is his purpose for Football Night in America anyway? He sits on the field and says like 3 things before the game and that’s it. I’m also a well-known Winter Olympics enthusiast and the fact that every 4 years I have to sit through 2 weeks of Costas just drives me nuts. I think the most annoying thing about Costas is his smug little face. He’s probably sitting on a booster seat, yet he stares into the camera with his shit-eating grin, looks right into your grillmix, blinking his eyes every 3 seconds and acts like he’s better than you. He’s probably a nice guy for all I know too. But last weekend seeing him wearing leather gloves in October just proved how un-manly he is. Suck it up, Brian Williams isn’t even wearing a jacket bro. I suggest you stop being such a faggot.
1. Mike Francesa (WFAN)
Everyone knows how Francesa is so I don’t even need to get into the details. But I will anyway. First, I do like that Mike will give hockey (and the Islanders) some air time every now and then when no other NY radio shows will. But that’s where the love affair stops. Mike is just the most boring person to listen to isn’t he? Having a one-man show doesn’t help, but he is just so monotone half the time. Another thing about him is that he is ALWAYS right and everyone else with an opinion is dead wrong. No ifs ands or buts. Don’t you all know that he is the smartest man in sports? Even if he doesn’t even know who Al Albuquerque is when he is facing the Yankees in the ALDS, Francesa will try to flip it with some absurd excuse to make himself look right. It’s amazing. But everyone knows he just looks stupid.
Finally, the thing that lands Mike in the top spot is how he reacts to people calling the show. If you call and get through, I’d say you have a 10% chance to get your entire statement or question through without Mike cutting you off. Here is what a typical phone call goes like with him:
Mike: “Vinny from Brooklyn, you’re next on the FAN”
Vinny: “Yea Mike, about Derek Je…(CLICK)”
Mike: “Jetahs gonna be fine, I keep telling everyone Jetahs fine. He’ll hit his .300 this year, yada yada yada”
It’s unreal how often this happens. It’s almost comical at this point. But Francesa is the perfect blend of dooshiness and boringness to solidify him at the 1 spot.