I Had to Reload My Weapon

As expected, HBO did not disappoint us last night with its premier of this seasons 24/7 Road to the Winter Classic.  And for the record, I dislike the Flyers and the Rangers are probably my most hated team in all of sports.  With that said, this is still must-see TV.  Just another example of how awesome hockey players are.  Just dropping F-bombs and fighting on the ice one second, and the next thing you know they’re dancing in the locker room to some white kid rapping.  They are a rare bread, these hockey players.  Here are some of the highlights from last nights episode:

– The funniest part of the night for me was after Artem Anisimov’s “sniper” goal celebration.  Just classic.  It started with a good full ice brawl between the Rangers and the Lightning.  In the penalty box we got to hear Brandon Dubinsky whine that Vinny Lecavalier started the whole thing and didn’t get a penalty.  Meanwhile, Anisimov in his broken English keeps asking what did he do wrong.  But the best was the locker room scene.  Anismov was back in the locker room after getting a 10 minute misconduct when the period ended and the rest of his team filed in.  Sean Avery led the way with the funniest shit-eating grin on his face glancing over at Anisimov.  Following that we heard comments like “you trying to shoot the goalie Artie?”.  Which ultimately led to Anisimov dropping the “I had to reload my weapon” line.  Classic.

– Ilya Bryzgalov is a nutjob.  Listening to him go off about the universe and how small of a part of the universe we are was amazing.  Again, listening to it in his broken English made it even funnier.  He finished the show off with a bang by talking to a trainer about some random Russian cognac he had and how if you kill certain tigers you could get the death penalty in China.  Good to know.

– I think John Tortorella is a good coach.  And the man is brutally honest.  He flat-out told Brian Boyle “we run that fucking coverage all the time, now you’re mic’d up and you can’t fucking think”.  And then he dropped the gem of a line by saying “Phil Kessel is a good player but don’t shit your pants around him”.

– The Flyers post-game victory song was great.  Apparently it is some 19 year old white kid who raps?  I never heard of Mac Miller but the song was catchy.  Should I be embarrassed to say that? 

– As much as I can’t stand the Rangers, I respect the hell out of Ryan Callahan.  Just a good dude and a good hockey player.  The type of guy you’d love to have on your squad.

– Sean Avery modeling shoot.  Unreal.  Enough said.

– The Rangers dinner credit card roulette was fun to watch.  Felt bad for a guy like Woywitka who only makes about $600,000.  Actually no I don’t feel that bad. 

– Peter Laviolette coming into the show guns blazing with the F bombs.  Glad to see he wasn’t as boring as I thought he would be.  Still glad the Islanders fired him back in the day (sarcasm)…

– Cool to see both teams do some good community service when the Rangers took the kids to Radio City and acted like a bunch of goof balls.  Lundqvist was dressed like Dr. Evil which was kind of weird though.  And Wayne Simmonds seems like a good dude and was nice seeing him help inner-city kids learn the game of hockey.

– Apparently Tortorella is beating Laviolette 10-8 in the F Bomb count so far.  That will be a battle the whole way through.

– Scott Hartnell… come on bro!  I picked you for the show MVP.  You had a nice line about Matt Cooke in the beginning but you better bring the heat the next 3 episodes.  Right now Bryzgalov is running away with the award.

Can’t wait for next week’s episode.  I’m sure their will be plenty more good hockey coverage in the locker rooms and on the ice.  And plenty of entertaining off the ice scenes that we already witnessed in week one.  Until then…


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